Quintessential Elemental Eclipse

Up Against a Titan!

2010-02-22T13:29:00.000-08:00

Now that I have been lucky enough to have a gay bashing and wisdom teeth slow me down, I figured I'd get back to the blogging for a bit, until my life gets back to the craziness and I lose track yet again.

Lets Talk LOVE!

I have had some revelations these past few weeks and just have soo many conversation pieces.

Have you ever noticed sometimes you can have the most love surrounding you, right in your face, and yet you still feel so alone because you just aren't looking?

About two weeks ago I come across this guy Jason. Very Charismatic, Adorable to say the least, and while not a show stealer hes got the ..... spirit big enough to tame a wild mustang. While I'm already surrounded by exponential amounts of people who love me, I beg to ask the question.
Is there a such thing as too much Love?

While growing up in Ohio I wasn't overly accepted by my community, I spent much of my High school Career trying to please everyone. I participated in every extra-curricular activity possible; Starred in as many plays, ran as many races, pleased as many elders.... bla bla bla bla bla.
I was also the first ethnically cultured kid to attend my middle school. So I spent my childhood breaching practically all racial and stereotypical barriers. There was never anyone who appreciated just how hard it was to smile even though you have people spewing hate or disbelief all around you. But, I fought on, never looking for a reward, only looking for personal growth.

After High school I joined the Army Reserves, and while you feel jubilant to be able to walk 20 miles at 4 in the morning, you are truly just a number. I would express my passion towards every task at hand and be relieved to be able to triumph over these things no "faggot" should ever be able to do. But ultimately, you are an army of many.

It wasn't until I moved away from that horrible town and got out of the Army that I started to soar. It came as a surprise to me. With my favorite poem being "somebody said that it couldn't be done - By Edgar A. Guest" and the Quote "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. - By Les Brown" and the Song "Bring on the rain - By Jodee Messina"being my ever driving force, I based My life off me making myself happy and not depending on others to do so.

I've Quickly become embarrassed inside, by this community of people that think quite the contrary. They Love me to the point of tears, they teach me new things everyday, they've helped me grow into this free spirited being that I didn't know could share the love he had inside himself. and It's weird!

I dunno how to do this right, I'm 23 Right? I don't understand how I can have such an impact? So, Now I'm in the middle of this firestorm between My feelings and what everyone else is conveying.

I hear "You're Amazing!" "Do what you do!" "Don't Change for the world!". And It becomes hard for me to battle those voices that have been dug in from childhood. What Has made me so fortunate to cross the paths of people so considerate, so magnificent; so early on? When does the confidence I have become Cockiness?

UGH! Questions, Questions, Questions!

Well, until I figure out my answers, which are honestly answers I may never know the truth to.
I think it's my place to spread all of the love I have been given to as many people as possible. You know these aren't really questions any one person can answer either. So, for all of you out there reading this, choose the road less taken, Be amazed in the amazing, love what you do and don't settle for less. and if you cross my path and I'm acting like a severe flare up of ADHD. Know its because I feel loved, Know that I'm enjoying my life, and all I'm doing is doing my best to spread the love.

2010-01-06T18:00:00.001-08:00

Portland Pride!

2009-06-11T02:52:00.000-07:00

Ugh, It's that time of year where all of the gays come out of the woodwork. All to showcase just how much they are out and proud! lol. I don't mean to be condescending but this really is one of my favorite and most hated holidays. It seems as if everyone becomes gay for a day. And Really shoots for that stereotypical Ryan Seacrest kind of gay. "I'm not gay, ssssstop it!"

Now enough blabbering on. This pride is going to be pretty fucking awesome! I have a lot to catch up on in my blog being that it is a week old. My Fiance, Portland, Tony Buff, IML, My First Adult Film, but for now lets live in the present.

Im soooo overly stoked that we have some amazing performances heading to town for this weekend's Gay Pride Pride, BeBe Zahara Benet (also known as CAMEROON!), Lady Bunny, and Aden & Jordan Jaric just to name a few. And you can bet your sweet ass Ill be having a fun time in the sack with some crazy out-of-towner. Unfortunately, due to pride and other circumstances I wasn't able to join Pappa Buff or brudder Derek Da Silva at the Men Of Discipline boot camp. Which really has been a bit rough on me because I know it would be an excellent time to learn as well as connect.

So, during the parade I will be handing out fliers to my club night for HIV Positive men called CHARGED+ and hope to get a good response. My Partner River and I have been hosting this event for 8 months now and it has seriously been such a great endeavour to undertake.

Last San Francisco Gay Pride, We decided to head down to an event called Revolution @ Club Eight. We heard about it word of mouth through some friends here in Portland and were very adamant to attend. So adamant in fact that we paid $300 extra to change the flight. THANKS ALASKA AIR! Lol It was AMAZING! The environment was soooo relaxing! I have never walked into a bar and had five minutes before having to disclose that I have HIV. It's exhausting to have to go through every intimate detail with every unknowledgeable person. And, I love when people play the pity party! lol I have HIV, I'm not dying. WOW, its really hard for me to focus on one subject isnt it! Pollo Del Mar was our delicious drag queen for the night and I was some kind of lucky to win first place and the $100 in a stripper contest. but case in point is it was very inspiring, so we trasported the idea back to Portland.

Hopefully this weekend brings the club night some new faces and good energy.

Its A Blog Thing!

2009-06-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well in the spirit of joining the rest of my beloved family I've decided to Blog out!

So lets get things started by catching you up on me and my life. Just so we can have a foundation for you to know where I'm coming from.

Well let's see. I grew up in the hick town of East Liverpool, Ohio which if any of you are like where the hell is that, it's the town that clames to make fiesta ware... lol actually the factory is in the town of Newell, WV pronounced N-u-l-e. anywho so yeah I was born and pretty much raised there. I went to Westgate Elementary and had the teachers that I would say structured my life for what it is today. Well I hope not to leave any out but if you made an impression then I remembered ya. Kindergarten-Mrs. Auger! she was this like 6ft tall woman that was as kind hearted as a butterfly. 1st-Mrs. Hitt! Kick ass teacher, she always said that I would become a star one day and to this day still has some of my 1st grade school papers. lol she was an awesome teacher. 2nd Grade-Mrs. Harvey, I couldn't tell you much besides her husband was the mail man lol. 3rd grade i had Mrs. Heron now she wasn't nice at all! MEANIE! lol, anywho im bored of this are you...so lets change the subject. I attended four different schools; Eastliverpool home of the Potters, Oak Glen home of the Bears, Wellsville home of the Tigers, and Liberty home of the Leopards. wow what a vast array of animals huh! anywho i have Quite a few credits under my skin... I am the Senior Class VP, Have been in the WOOT! AR. If ya'll know what I mean, for two years now. Have done color guard, wrestled, played football, ran track, ran cross country, am an active thespian who has participated as Burt Healy in Anne, Mr. Macaffe in Bye Bye Birdy and also in Cinderella and Wizard Of Oz, a great singer, two years of Drafting classes, A&F photo shoots, and have earned a high school diploma of course! lol. so anywho. I Lived in ELO the majority of my life, went off to basic training in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma(Go 1/19 1st Platoon Maddogs, MDQ) in the summer of 04'. Then in the summer of 05' I attended AIT or advanced individual training at Ft. Sam Houston, TX(JULIETS!). upon completion of AIT, On August 27th I made my Journey out to the great City of Portland, Oregon! And Ill take a Break here. be back soon!